so many songs bring me back to the lost months. i re-live all of the sad, scared weeks in a hazy montage: peripheral vision sightings, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk when a stranger wearing your perfume would walk by me, only knowing you were still alive when i saw you in the background of pictures. my heart echoes ghost beats.
the good memories come in layers: i remember sitting in my living room and staring out the window with a face like a stone, remembering snow days when we would hide on that same couch, warm and content and laughing, the world outside white and halted. i remember remembering being happy, and only feeling worse for it. i don't feel very much when i think about it now.